LS posted this wonderful comment in response to my male fetishes article so i thought i would share it in a post so that You/you didn't miss it.
Ethan, I’m glad you’re involved in this kind of analysis. I love reading your work. Here are my thoughts, which build on yours. I see fetishism as the residue of repressing our (males’) original desire to serve women and be a source of their pleasure. If we follow those fetishes back to their hidden source we get matriarchal culture. The old and dying male identity could be said to be a repression of this original desire. (where it originated who knows for sure?) Female aggression triggers this deep, wholly natural desire. The taboo in patriarchal society on female aggression is a way of keeping male’s desire for submission in check. Closely related, humiliation of the male by a superior Female is another way of breaking through this original repression.
Once Women are liberated from patriarchy the “cat is out of the bag” and cannot be put back in. After giving up the artificially “puffed up” self, a new male identity arises, much closer to the original pre-patriarchal identity. This identity is deeply pleasurable to the male as well as the Female whom he serves. The fact that it is so pleasurable (exceeding the short lasting pleasure of the male orgasm) is a clue to its superiority over the patriarchal identity. As you said in an earlier post, you and your friend are harbingers of this future. That this future is better than the old patriarchal identity is also shown by the fact that once experienced by the male he can never regress completely back to the old one. In short, in the old patriarchal society everything is upside down. With the help of your Goddess you are turning it right side up.
LS
i thought that comment was really fantastic and it digs below the surface to get at the underlying natural, perhaps even spiritual, nature of both male worship of the Female and submissive desire towards the Feminine. It truly is the natural male state to be in awe of the Female and to crave submission to Her. males lust after the Feminine, sacrifice for Her, crave nothing more than to give Her everything, his adoration, his resources, his labor, his body, his very essence as a male, his seed. A males very worthiness is dictated by Her approval, by Her demands that he prove his worth to Her. Why after all is the rejection by a Female so crushing to the male spirit. Though even a crushed male spirit losses none of its unquenchable thirst for the Female.
Patriarchy has tried again and again to hide and repress any hint of this mysterious Female power. Covering up Women's bodies, trying to deny Them rights and so on. Yet that power is naturally part of every Women just as much as the desire to respond and yield to it is part of every male. The persistence of male sexual fetishes and the ever present image of the Dominatrix in the realm of male sexual fantasy being direct manifestations of this. Now as Women gain ever more power, wealth and authority in society males feel ever more desire and indeed comfort in yielding to the Female. Success creates more success it is said. The natural order is being restored.
To quote that U2 song,
"If you want to kiss the sky, better learn how to kneel.
On your knees boy!"
Hi Ethan, Here is another long comment, which I hope you will appreciate. "Female Supremacy" does not seem to me the best phrasing of what you are talking about. I know it's used all the time, but it is a phrase whose meaning remains determined by that of the old term "male supremacy." It is seen as its opposite. But, if it is merely the mirror image of male supremacy, then it is an unnatural, unjust form of oppression of the male by the female. But, in the understanding you have advanced, and with which I agree, it is NOT the opposite, but rather a higher synthesis. For that reason I like the term "progressive" as in a progressive gender relationship practiced by progressive Women and progressive men.
ReplyDeleteOr perhaps we could say that the new relationship we look for is one that is "balanced" or "re-balanced." Each gender gets to re-balance the unbalanced nature of patriarchal relationships. Women get the chance to come into their power, while men get to learn how to sacrifice for others. The result is a beautiful balance. Men, who have already learned power (under patriarchy) learn how to overcome ego, become vulnerable, and serve the larger community under the leadership of women, while women learn to exercise power and receive pleasure from men while relying on their already-developed ability to think and act in the service of the whole.
All this is not to deny that Women are superior to men. They are in many important ways. Rather, it is to say that the kind of relationship we all (here) want cannot simply be based on a vague notion of superiority. A firmer basis is that of overcoming the present state of patriarchal oppression and allowing Women and men to fully flower in their potentials.
It's interesting that the term female supremacy is used more often by men than Women, a sad symptom of the male mind (we are only able to understand one-sided rule). Women think more in terms of balance, progress, and the good of the whole, a sign of their superiority. Thus, instead of the term female supremacy they more often use less provocative terms. To me, the main strength of the term "female supremacy" lies in the fact that it is a humiliating term for men to accept. It pushes them to challenge and move out of their inflated ego. But once Female empowerment is truly accepted by all there is no need to humiliate or feel humiliated. A relationship oriented around Women empowered to lead for the good of all and receive unselfish pleasure from men is just a normal, natural, harmonious way of being. But, of course, we are not at that point yet.
LS
LS, i think you are onto something there. The language used to describe 'Female Supremacy' is perhaps not adequate or accurate in terms of describing Our/our beliefs. It does indeed seem tainted with patriarchal notions. i think what We/we are talking about here is more grounded in what Elise Sutton refers to as "Loving Female Authority". It's also about Women and men being allowed to be true to Their/their natures. i think the tendency to describe these relationships in terms of 'supremacy' is, as you say, grounded in the male psyche. we have difficulty expressing these ideals in another way. For males we seem unable to get out of the win/lose paradigm. For Women however it seems to be viewed more as a win/win where both sexes attain deep fulfillment in the new arrangement. - EJ
ReplyDeleteWe all both Female and male are tainted by existing in a patriarchal culture and will carry much of that into a future Matriarchy. Just as elements of Feudalism persist in a Capitalist society so will elements of patriarchy.
ReplyDeleteBut I do take your point about terminology.
Femsup