When She's Got you and She Knows It: Another personal anecdote

About 10 years ago i had a brief, intense relationship with a brainy, leggy blonde who i’ll call D. We met while out for drinks with co-workers and there was an intense chemistry from the start. We kept running into each other and we seemed to really click. One day at work She was complaining that She was having problems with Her computer at home. Since i had been waiting for a chance like this, i jumped in to volunteer to take a look at it for Her, you know, if She wanted me to. She said it would be great. She gave me Her address and i said i would drop by that evening.

Now i have to admit i was more than a little nervous, well nervous and excited, about this. On the one hand i was irresistibly attracted to this 5’8”, thin blonde with long crinkled hair and oh so blue eyes. As if Her stunning beauty was not intimidating enough She was scary smart. She was a statistician with our company and had both undergraduate and graduate degrees in the subject. She was on the career fast track for sure. The fact She was smarter than me was no secret to either of us. i kept wondering if She was just out of my league and if i was misreading the signals from Her.

At the appointed hour i showed up. She answered the door with Her usual sweet smile and asked me to come in. i did pick up that She seemed a little more nervous than usual but then again so was i.  Setting to work it took me only about 20 minutes to it sort out and i was getting ready to leave when She came over to me and placed Her chin on my shoulder from behind, turned Her head slightly and looked right into my eyes with Her piecing baby blues. “We need to talk” She said. “Ok” was about all i could nervously manage to reply and i took a seat while She stood over me. “look Ethan, I find you incredibly attractive”. i filled with joy and told Her i felt the same. She smiled slyly, took me by the hand, and lead me to the couch in the living room. Without a word we began kissing deeply, She caught me by surprise as She began probing my mouth with Her tongue and feeling the swelling excitement in my pants with her hand, applying firm strokes to the front of my jeans.

After about an hour of this intense activity i was sweating, panting and my brain was on cloud nine. Seeming like She was satisfied that my lust for Her was genuine and intense She decided it was time to establish the terms of our relationship. Of course by “the terms” I mean Her terms. She began by telling me that to be in a relationship with Her i had to be useful to Her, by which She meant able to take care of fixing things and doing boring manual tasks “better suited to boys” as She put it.

She also made it clear in no uncertain terms that She did not abide cheating and if i so much as looked at another Women She would consider that cheating. i tried to question Her meaning and if She could possibly be serious but She looked right into my eyes and insisted this was not up for negotiation. i could accept these terms or leave. Of course i was so revved up at that point i probably would have agreed to anything. She knew this and tried to cut through the cloud of swirling hormones in my mind. “I know you are only saying yes right now because you want me, but I’m totally serious about this, you understand that right?” Again i agreed.

Then She gave me a warning i did not at first fully understand, saying “you know, I date a lot and I change my mind a lot, maybe in a few months I won’t feel the same way about you that I feel now. You’ll have to accept that ok...OK?”

Not really knowing what that meant, only that it soundly vaguely like a threat to dump me if i did not measure up, i agreed.

Satisfied for now we returned to our previous passionate activity and time flew by. At the end of the evening i collected what was left of my mind and made my way home.

What had i gotten myself into i wondered? Could She really be as strict as that? i hadn’t noticed that D was overtly dominant before but She definitely had a confidence about Her to which i responded strongly. Now i was beginning to see that dominant might be closer to the truth. She had weaved a web into which i fell and was only too happy to do so. But now what? She definitely had a way of making me feel both incredibly turned on yet hopelessly insecure at the same time.

One thing D was unbelievably skilled at was teasing me. She could throw a sly, knowing look my way and leave me totally flustered. Walking amongst a group of co-workers to a bar one evening after work She was sure to make us fall behind the group just so She could grab and feel my ass. She would always laugh sweetly when She saw my reactions. She just gave me that look, the one that says you’re mine, i know you’re mine and I can have you anytime I want. It was true but the fact that She knew it so completely gave Her such a sense of power and confidence in Her interactions with me.

Our relationship was totally out of balance. She had me completely in such a state of lust and insecurity that She could exploit and control me without mercy.

And She did just that.

All throughout our relationship one of the greatest problems i was having was the feeling that no matter how hard i tried it was never good enough for Her. my efforts were always made to feel insufficient. Even worse i was made to feel that She never trusted me though i gave Her no reason to ever feel that way.

As one who reads this blog You/you can appreciate that i have no problem accepting the submissive, secondary role in a relationship with a Woman, in fact i consider this natural and right. It was not the inequality that did not work in my relationship with D but the fact that She seemed to demand my lust, my physical labours, my tribute, my time and my energy but upon taking everything from me She proclaimed She wanted something else. She demanded the Sun but upon receipt proclaimed that in fact it was the Moon that She really wanted.

Even that, as much as i struggled with it, did nothing to diminish the aching in my heart for Her, so completely did She own me.

Then one day it was over. Declaring “we need to talk” She told me , gently but directly that She had changed Her mind, as She had warned me could happen. i was dismissed though She insisted She still cared deeply for me.

i was completely devastated.

I did not see Her again for a couple of months. By then She had moved on to Her next victim, well perhaps that’s too harsh, lets say plaything. At a company party I saw them together acting flirtatiously as we once did. That was pretty painful to watch but what was truly devastating was that during a break in Her flirting with him She saw me across the room and She gave me the look! That ‘I know you still want me’ glance, the sly smile and flirting eyes, only this time it was unmistakably a I know how badly you want me but too bad for you look.

Ouch, talk about a knife in my heart. I just could not figure out why? Why did She want to hurt me like that? I was never mean to Her in any way, i gave everything to make Her happy and there was no anger in our parting, hurt yes, but not anger.

I did not get a chance to ask her why that night. I would occasionally run into Her at work but it was always the same pattern. If She was alone She would completely ignore me, like we were strangers. If on the other hand there were other people around She would never pass up a chance to deliver a stinging, flirty glance.

She could shatter my soul in or out of a relationship.

For a whole year we did not speak to each other, just ignoring each other or exchanging the look. Then one evening as I was unlocking my car She approached me from the other side and tried to start up a conversation by asking how I was. What i was, was a bit incredulous. i could not resist asking Her,

“Are you angry with me?”

“No, why do you ask?”

“Well it’s obvious You’re trying to hurt me for some reason”

“Really, How?” a slight smile on Her face

“You know, the way you look at me”

“Well yeah ok”

“Why do You do that?”

“Oh I do that with all the boys. I know you still want me, you all do.Ya know, I just like hurting guys that way, it’s nothing personal, I like hurting you the same way I like hurting all the others, get over it, or not, I don’t care”


She was right, i still wanted Her so badly at that moment but Her answer left me as lost as ever.

Woman Becomes the man; The "Popularity" of Female Submission

i had to laugh when reading the recent Newsweek article on the popularity of Female oriented “rape fantasy” (ick) lit. The first thought i was struck with is how it used to be that male desire for sexual submission was explained as a desire to escape the stresses of daily responsibilities. Seems like now with the rise of Women with economic power and education it’s the girls who are now being analyzed in the same way. Is this ironic or just a total lack of imagination on the part of mainstream media? Funny how the article never once makes the same comparison that i just did but simply gives in to the notion that Women, as always, really want a man to dominate them.

Now i have no doubt that Women can have submissive fantasies and that some may even be submissive. However i have never known a Women who was truly submissive towards males. They sometimes think and act in ways they think will make a man happy, making him a favourite meal or dressing sexily, but at the end of the day She still expects the man to be loyal and obedient towards Her. In reality doing things to make him happy is really just another way for Her to gain power and influence over Him.

It is also true that sometimes a Women wants a man to take charge in the bedroom. In reality i feel what this really means is give Me all your sexual energy, pleasure me completely and you do all the work. In reality even this is really just another way of driving a males addiction to Her while She is still getting what She wants from him. Who really is in control when that happens? After all She is the one who has allowed him to give himself completely Her. She wants to just lie back and enjoy his physical, emotional and sexual energy. Nothing happens without Her permission and the male knows it and can’t resist it.

So do Women occasionally want a man to do all the work while She just relaxes and enjoys it? Sure, sometimes this happens but don’t confuse this occasional behavior with inherent submissiveness. It is no more realistic than saying that the popularity of a piece of pop culture should suggest that Women are naturally submissive towards men.

This is nonsense. Sure Women are complex and multidimensional, but naturally submissive? Not from what i have seen.

The Undereducated Male

Happy Easter Everyone

i will be back to blogging after the holiday!

The Aggressive Modern Female, a personal anecdote

 

One thing I've noticed in my dating experience and from watching the interactions of men and Women around me is that many of today's Women seem to have lost any sense of being intimidated by men. When they see one they want they don't seem to hesitate in going after him. They may seem  a little cautious at first when feeling out what a guy is about, just to make sure he's of sufficient quality. Once they determine he's what they want however They show an intense aggression in going after him.

From my own experience i hardly knew my current Girlfriend apart from seeing Her around a few times but out of the blue She called me up and asked me out. We dated a few times and really hit it off though from those early dates i could not be entirely certain of Her dominant nature, just that She was not shy or reserved.

Finally one evening i came home from work and checked my answering machine, She had called and left a message the gist of which was "I want you". Actually that is a direct quote from the message, She told me to call Her back which i promptly did. She said She wanted me to come over to Her place. i certainly felt intense pressure to decide if i wanted to be in a relationship with Her but nevertheless off i went to Her house. Upon arrival She suggested we go for a walk. It was a cold winter night as we walked and talked She slowly opened me up to Her emotionally with a series of personal questions which She had avoided previously. Clearly She was making Her final decision as well. As we walked down a narrow snow covered path in the woods i felt Her grab my arm from behind and pull me back. She stared directly into my eyes and said simply, "I'm going to kiss you". And She did.  It was one of those electric moments, and one where i got my first real glimpse of what a confident Women She is. Here alone in the woods at night with a guy She was only beginning to get to know She displayed total control of the situation and was able to be the sexual aggressor. i felt almost instantly submissive towards Her, and it filled me with a warm feeling despite the fact i was shriving from the cold (or was it nervousness). i wanted Her aggression! Badly!

We made our way back to Her house and before i knew it we were in Her bedroom, on the bed, making out. She got my shirt off quickly. Without me even noticing She retrieved a scarf from  somewhere. As we kissed passionately She grabbed my wrists and pushed them together over my head and up against the end of the bed. She then proceeded to bind my wrists to the bed with the scarf. i offered no resistance allowing Her to tie me up. She seemed to notice my submission and looked into my eyes and gave me a teasing, wicked grin. "Got you" She said softly."Yeah, you do" i had to admit,"and i don't mind" i smiled back. With my wrists bound She ran Her hand down over my chest and to the front of my pants, which was by then swollen from excitement. i really could not hide how much She was turning me on and She could feel it for Herself. We continued to kiss while She stroked the front of my pants for some time until She decided that was enough for our first make-out session. She had firmly demonstrated Her power and my submission to it. i was left feeling frustrated, excited, exhausted, exhilarated and willing to do anything for Her.

That set the pattern for our relationship ever since. She quickly realized that i yield easily to Her aggressiveness which only seems to fuel Her aggression and my excitement.

One other activity that we soon established was showering together but even that had a ritual in it for Her. She enjoys stripping me. She will approach me seductively, kissing me deeply as She pulls off my shirt, then undoes my belt, unbuttons my pants, letting them drop to the floor. i step out of them and She will stand in front of me, placing one hand in each side of my underwear, usually as She gently mocks my by now rampant erection (i often sport a nice wet spot of precum on the over stretched fabric by this time also, giving Her another little detail to tease mercilessly). She will then work my underwear down slowly over and past my erection. The feeling as it springs free of the fabric is intense and amazing, made all the more so by the wicked, teasing, lip-licking She does as it comes free. She then lets my underwear fall freely to the floor, looks directly into my eyes as She places Her hand around my throbbing cock and turns without letting go. She then marches down the hallway pulling me by my erect manhood behind Her as i dutifully keep in step due to Her tight grip on my 'handle", as She likes to call it. She then directs me to get the shower or bath ready as She undresses behind me.

i experience such an amazing feeling of being objectified by this little ritual of Hers. It is one of the most erotically charged experiences of my life. I had never before known how much i love being naked before a beautiful clothed Women, the feelings of inequality/humiliation drive me mad (in the best possible way) and and i feel totally under Her spell and control and She loves having me that way!

As do i, boy, do i ever!